In my family, we call this Non-Decision Making ‘Uproar’. My father had never seen anything like it when he started dating my mother, and he coined it “playing Uproar”. (Thomas had never seen anything like it either until he met me. He really saw it in action when my mother and I were planning my wedding. But, by then, it was TOO LATE!). The rules of Uproar are simple: one defers back to someone else on a decision in an effort to be ‘nice’, and no decision can be reached. For example, let’s pretend my mother, father, grandmother, and grandfather, are deciding where to go for dinner. Let’s say my mother wants Italian. She will not at any time directly say that’s what she wants (that would be breaking the rules). You will find the actual translations in italics.
M: Let’s head out for dinner. Where do you want to go? (I would love to go for Italian for dinner. Is that OK with everyone?”)
GM: It doesn’t matter; we could go to that new sushi place. Unless you would like something else… (I don’t like that place. Let’s pick somewhere we both like.)
M: Sushi would be fine, but what about that new French café? They have those rolls you like. (I hate sushi.)
GM: French would be good, too- but you said you wanted sushi didn’t you? (I really want sushi.)
GF: Maybe Chinese? (Not wanting to pick sides, I am going with a random third choice.)
And so on and so forth… this ‘game’ could last up to hour, and at the end no restaurant has been selected, everyone is still hungry, and my father has stabbed his eyeballs out with a butter knife. Eventually, they will inevitably go somewhere that no one really wants to go to (but is too nice to say so), but they will be so hungry it won’t matter.
So, you see, it is not my fault I cannot make a decision!
Please view “I Cannot Make A Decision, But It’s Not My Fault” for more information!