UPROAR, or I Am Nicer Than You

In my family, we call this Non-Decision Making ‘Uproar’. My father had never seen anything like it when he started dating my mother, and he coined it “playing Uproar”. (Thomas had never seen anything like it either until he met me. He really saw it in action when my mother and I were planning my wedding. But, by then, it was TOO LATE!). The rules of Uproar are simple: one defers back to someone else on a decision in an effort to be ‘nice’, and no decision can be reached. For example, let’s pretend my mother, father, grandmother, and grandfather, are deciding where to go for dinner. Let’s say my mother wants Italian. She will not at any time directly say that’s what she wants (that would be breaking the rules). You will find the actual translations in italics.

italian rest UPROAR, or I Am Nicer Than You

Sadly, they will never make it here.

M: Let’s head out for dinner. Where do you want to go? (I would love to go for Italian for dinner. Is that OK with everyone?”)

GM: It doesn’t matter; we could go to that new sushi place. Unless you would like something else… (I don’t like that place.  Let’s pick somewhere we both like.)

M: Sushi would be fine, but what about that new French café? They have those rolls you like. (I hate sushi.)

GM: French would be good, too- but you said you wanted sushi didn’t you? (I really want sushi.)

GF: Maybe Chinese? (Not wanting to pick sides, I am going with a random third choice.)

And so on and so forth… this ‘game’ could last up to hour, and at the end no restaurant has been selected, everyone is still hungry, and my father has stabbed his eyeballs out with a butter knife. Eventually, they will inevitably go somewhere that no one really wants to go to (but is too nice to say so), but they will be so hungry it won’t matter.

im hungry UPROAR, or I Am Nicer Than You

So, you see, it is not my fault I cannot make a decision!

Please view “I Cannot Make A Decision, But It’s Not My Fault” for more information!


  1. Have you read the pilot communication chapter in “Outliers”? The Korean co-pilot would never directly tell the captain he was making mistakes, and so Korean Airlines and an abysmal crash record. Good thing Thomas doesn’t have this problem.

  2. Sounds about like my family!
    Rachel @ The House of Burks recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Boy (n): noise with dirt on itMy Profile

  3. We have a bit of the same problem on my mother’s side of the family!!
    Mom of A and a recently posted..‘And that was against the rules’My Profile

  4. Oh my gosh, I have this disease. But I married into a family who absolutely does NOT have this disease. It makes things very interesting… :)

  5. Love it – I have the same problem myself. I try to be more upfront and direct but typically I just don’t want to bother anyone else with my preference! Argh.

  6. I think it’s a female thing. I can do this too. More so in certain situations, and others I’m more assertive. Love the too nice to say so…I live this with my in laws where nice is more like lying and being fake and ignoring things and leaving stuff unresolved, confusing, complicated, perpetually paralyzing effective communication! I’m a planner so this aggravates me. Following you from the Monday Mingle! I’m originally from Duluth btw.
    Megan at Simple Mum recently posted..Maternity Monday #1My Profile


  1. [...] use the example of choosing a restaurant again.  At this point, a decision has been made. (and the angels are singing).  Mexican was chosen [...]

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