The Registry Will Never Steer You Wrong!

I remember my first trip to Babies R Us. I (we) walked in, dazed by the bright glow of the fluorescent lighting.  As my

baby shower girlfriends 300x241 The Registry Will Never Steer You Wrong!

More is Better when it comes to Girlfriends who host wonderful showers!

eyes adjusted, panic set in. Sheer, raw panic. (I have always been in the More-Choices-Is-Always-Better camp. My mother is Captain of this camp, and she is impressive… and relentless.  Why would one settle for only five choices when with a little more effort (and internet searching), you could pick from ten? When is more data not a good thing? Up until I got married, I subscribed to this camp. My husband is from the more rational camp of If-We-Like-the-First-Choice-Why-Would-We-Even-Look-At-Any-Additional-Choices? We had a meeting of the minds (he almost lost his mind when he was introduced to the Julias Math way of making decisions), and I now try to align myself to his camp- or at least narrow down the endless options before I get him involved.) Babies R Us takes the More Is Better mentality to a whole new level. An endless, infinite, vast level, of everything baby related.  The store is at least twenty thousand square feet.  That’s twenty thousand square feet crammed with baby related paraphernalia.  After my breathing returned to a more normal state from the panic attack, I turned tail as fast as my pregnant self could and ran to the safety of the car.  This process was repeated several times. I was finally successful (and success is defined as touring more than three aisles) after eight or so attempts. 

Thankfully, I am not the first one who has had a panic attack in Babies R Us. It must happen a lot, because Babies R Us does have a way of dealing with this situation. They have a Registry! The helpful staff will provide a tour of the store, and a detailed printout with recommendations (requirements) for everything you could ever even possibly think you might need. (This mentality is one that is adopted for everything baby related during the first year of your baby’s life. The first trip out of the house is EPIC. As a new parent, you pack EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. The mountain of luggage is enough for a family of five going to Disney World. For two weeks. Just when you start congratulating yourselves for a job well done, you realize that you did, in fact, forget something.)

baby shower gifts 300x225 The Registry Will Never Steer You Wrong!

Opening gifts (fof course rom the registry!)

I wish we could have registered for another room in our house.  The amount of stuff required for one teeny tiny person is unbelievable.  Truly out of this world- car seats and bouncy seats, strollers and pack and plays, swings and bumbo seats.  Once you decide what you need, you have to choose the options, which are, of course, limitless.  Baby gear these days is more tricked out than Snoop Dogg’s tour bus.

The decision process is brutal, and not just because of the hormones. It is so brutal because of the guilt.  As a first time parent, you want the absolute best for your baby. One adopts the ‘Best At Any Cost’ mentality.  The previously mentioned hormonal swings made it difficult to reason with a pregnant woman- I know some men would say that it is always difficult to reason with any woman, but whatever.  And so, it is very easy to lose sight of the big picture- said baby isn’t going to know the difference between 200 count thread sheets and 400 count. Baby isn’t going to know if you purchased those sheets from Pottery Barn Kids or Target. (My mother had an obsession with these sheets. These sheets didn’t match the handmade, personalized, monogrammed bedding I received- and I think she considered asking me to get all new bedding just so we could use those sheets.) However, in that moment, it is the most important decision you have ever made.  This is why we have items like this:

zaky pillow The Registry Will Never Steer You Wrong!

The Zaky Pillow

The Zaky Pillow: This is a set of fake hands that lies against your newborn to trick her into thinking that it’s you. It’s almost too creepy for words. And wrong. So very wrong. Even the description is creepy: “Leave a hand with your child!” We’d like to see the studies of these poor babies 10 years from now who found out their loving parents were really disembodied mummy hands. 

And, The Baby Keeper .The Baby Keeper is a contraption that hangs your baby on

baby keeper The Registry Will Never Steer You Wrong!

The Baby Keeper

the back of a public bathroom door so you are “free to go.” The picture says it all. Convenient? Perhaps. Sanitary? No way. Trusting a single hook will hold my baby safely over the hard, nasty bathroom floor? Not a chance in hell.

Once you make all of your choices (and are reduced to a hormonal sobbing heap), you sit back and wait for your baby showers.  Baby showers are generally more fun for the guests than for the Mommy as the Mommy isn’t able to drink any of the delicious sangria that their wonderful girlfriends made (true story), and she is so preggo that even breathing is uncomfortable. However, there are gifts. And the gifts make it up to the Mommys- no sangria, piles of gifts= equal trade. Just please remember that you cannot outsmart the Registry.  Also, the only woman who is more sensitive than a bride is one is who is about to become a mother, so please purchase accordingly.

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