To all the single girls (and guys who read my blog), I have some advice for you: sleep in the middle of the bed! Use every square inch. Use every pillow. Don’t be afraid to sleep diagonally. One of the great myths about being married is that is soooo wonderful to fall asleep in each other’s arms every night. When Thomas and I were first together, we did sleep like that. And then I wound up at the chiropractor three times a week because I couldn’t move my neck. Well, fast forward to today; we have been married almost six years (Tuesday), together almost nine, and this novelty has worn off. Also, I have discovered how much I love pillows! In fact, I love them so much that I use four of them when I am sleeping. Thomas LOVES this.
My husband travels a lot (he is a pilot, so this is not really a shocker). There are times when I am begging him to get a trip because I am dying for a good night’s sleep. Before you judge me, you should know that he is (not so) secretly wishing for the same thing.
I don’t know what my parents did to my sisters and me that make us the Worst Bed Hogs In The World. We could be considered ‘Combative Sleepers’, and our respective husbands and boyfriend deserve combat pay. Collectively, we believe that the middle of the bed is the best place to sleep (because it is the best place), and that it is fair for us to do so, even with our husbands/boyfriends in the bed as well. We feel that we have the right to use as many pillows as we want to, and to cover and uncover- tossing blankets- as many times as we want to during the night. My sister Jen is the worst as she actually bit her boyfriend one night. Yes, you did read that correctly and every time Thomas starts to complain, I remind him that he does not have teeth marks in his arm.
Once Thomas got used to his ‘side’ of the bed, we had to address the noise issue. I cannot sleep in total silence. It scares me to death. I just know there is a one armed ax man hiding outside the house waiting to kill me. Also, I cannot tolerate any sounds from anyone else (this is the main reason I never went to sleep away camp). Any sound, even gentle breathing drives me crazy. Luckily for me, Thomas snores. The invention of the Breathe Right Strip has saved our marriage on more than one occasion.
If you are lucky enough to go sleep alone tonight, do me a favor and sleep in the middle of the bed. With all the pillows. If you are going to be sharing a bed tonight, get there first and claim your rightful 75%! Sweet Dreams!