Crutches At March Madness

Being on crutches sucks. After five minutes of hobbling around, you feel like your armpits have lost every layer of skin.

Except when being on crutches is your Golden Ticket.

My senior year in college was the last time the Hoosiers made it to the final game.  (As I write this, I cannot BELIEVE it was eleven years ago.)

Truly, those few weeks were a magical time. Sports can unify people like very few other things can, and it is an intensely emotional bond. As cheesy as it sounds, I really felt like I was part of something quite special. During those games it felt as if time stood still. Every bar was packed to the gills with fans wearing their Indiana Basketball Tshirts, chanting the fight song:

Indiana, Our Indiana,

Indiana, we’re all for you!

We will fight for the cream and crimson,

For the glory of old IU

Never daunted, we cannot falter

In the battle, we’re tried and true

Indiana, Our Indiana,

Indiana, we’re all for you!

 

Because everyone wanted to watch the game at a bar, advance planning was required. All of the bars opened at noon, and to get a table (and faster bar service), someone had to show up at noon to claim a table.

While in theory it sounds like a good idea to spend seven hours in a shitty college bar drinking shitty college beer, the reality is that A) I suck at waiting for things, which makes everyone around me homicidal, B) it gets expensive to drink for twelve hours (even cheap college pitchers), and C) I suck at waiting for things (did I already mention this point?), thus rendering getting myself to the bar at noon impossible. Sadly, my powers of persuasion did not work on my boyfriend or on my best friend as neither of them volunteered (or caved to my repeated requests) to give up their afternoon to go sit at the bar.

I was about to find another way to secure a table during March Madness. Before you congratulate me on my powers of persuasion  you should know that crutches open many doors (and secure sitting in crowded bars)…