1. The Bachelor. OMG HOW HAVE I MISSED THIS SHOW FOR THE PAST 16 SEASONS?!! It has everything a girl could want in a show- manufactured drama, bitchy girls, suspense AND diamonds! Stop it!! I feel as though everyone I privately mocked for watching this show deserves an apology: I am so so sorry. I “judged a book by its cover”, and I was totally wrong. I cannot wait to
ridicule share observations about the contestants. (To the chick who attempted back handsprings in an evening gown: NO. Just NO.) Also, I am not impressed with Sean…. way cuter guys out there.
- Other notables from the 25 women: One woman tries to backflip her way into Sean’s heart, only to fall on her face; one woman reveals an open-heart tattoo that she’s hoping Sean can fill; one freaky gal is looking to fulfill her “Fifty Shades of Grey” fantasies on national television; and one woman says her Italian father will break Sean’s legs if he breaks her heart.
2. Oddly Warm Weather. I love you. You are welcome here anytime. However, I am concerned that a lack of freezing will only intensify the Bug Problem (unless the ground actually freezes- a so-called ‘hard freeze’, the bugs do not die. They in fact, multiply… ) I love wearing short sleeves in January! Sadly, I understand that the high tomorrow is supposed to be 40. Boo!
3. Almonds. Just awesome. I love them! I have the butter toffee, wasabi, smoked, roasted, AND salt and vinegar varieties. I have almond butter (yet another reason to love Costco- a gigantic tub is $6. At Whole Foods, the baby tub is $9.). This week, thanks to my Nespresso addiction, I have discovered Almond Milk. GENIUS! So good! So vanillay! So much calcium (that’s the Mom in me)! Try it, and trust me, you will like it.
4. Kim Kardashian’s Baby. Firstly, poor Khloe. She is clearly the best Kardashian, and the only one with some sort of semblance of morals- she actually got married, has stayed married, and even quit her show (Khloe and Lamar) to work on her marriage. I cannot imagine how angry that made Kris Jenner as she is the ultimate example of what a Controlling-No-Regard-To-Boundaries mother looks like. As everyone who stands in line at the grocery store knows from reading the trashy magazines at check out, Khloe wants a baby. And despite Kris’s best efforts (read: writing checks and or throwing sh*t fits) to control everything Kardashian, Khloe is still not a mommy. All that aside, I CANNOT WAIT to watch the trainwreck that is Kim’s pregnancy. Pregnancy is one of the few things in life where we are all on a level playing field- Kris cannot buy away stretch marks, or morning sickness, or the general Holy-Cats-This-Sucks-Please-Hurry-Up-Baby feeling that is felt by every pregnant sister out there.
5. New Years Resolutioners At The Gym. I admire those who want to become healthier. I think its great. That being said, most of you are not really serious. Most of you are clogging up the machines and the prime real estate at the gym and getting in the way. For those who are serious, I will save you a spot. You are awesome. Those who are not, GO AWAY.
6. Routine. The holidays are over, and you are back! While you might not be the most exciting, you are wonderfully predictable, and I love you for that.