Stalin’s Halloween… Why I Send My Mother My Therapist’s Bills Every October

After we came home from Trick or Treating, my sister Jennifer and I were stuffing our faces with our Halloween candy as fast as we could; with the fervor of starving children who were in danger of having their bread and water taken away.

bread and water Stalins Halloween... Why I Send My Mother My Therapists Bills Every October

The fervor was TOTALLY JUSTIFIED because my mom would TAKE ALL OF THE CANDY. SHE TOOK IT AND DUMPED INTO TO A COMMUNITY COMMUNIST BOWL.

I KNOW.

All of that hard work, the valiant ‘soldiering on’ through the elements in pursuit of just one more Snickers, for nothing. All of the careful sorting, the answering of tough questions- are Sixlets chocolate? What about chocolate Necco wafers?- and nothing to show. All of the hard own victories on the Trading Floor- three rolls of Smarties for one Butterfinger  is totally fair- rendered hollow.

In the history of Unfairness, this is the Most Unfair Thing Ever.

UNfair Stalins Halloween... Why I Send My Mother My Therapists Bills Every October

Even the UN couldn’t save us…

My mom explained that this was the Fair Way.(To this day, I do not know who died on Halloween and made her the Fairness Fairy. She certainly wasn’t the Fairness Fairy the other 364 days out of the year.) Laura (our youngest sister) did not get as much candy as Jennifer and I did (because she was a pansy  because she was younger than us), and we all needed to have a fair share to the good candy; that it wasn’t fair for Laura to get stuck eating the waxy peanut butter things while Jennifer and I enjoyed our Now & Laters, Snickers, and Fun Dip. Even at eight and six, that seemed pretty fair to us- Laura did not trudge through sleeting rain, freezing her bunny tail off to get the goods… so she shouldn’t get the same candy.  Of course, Laura sided with my mom.

sleet Stalins Halloween... Why I Send My Mother My Therapists Bills Every October

Once the seizure of the candy occurred, my mom would dump it all- no respect for the careful sorting of each piece- into her large wooden salad bowl and put it on top of the refrigerator, where it would sit and taunt us. After dinner, she would lug the bowl down and with all the empathy of the KGB , would allow us to pick one piece of candy. ONE PIECE. And? We had to rotate who would go first. My friends would have Halloween candy in their lunch boxes for weeks. I had fruit. (Today, I am on board with this choice and credit my love of fruit to my mother. However, a piece or two of candy in my lunchbox would not have killed me.)

KGB Stalins Halloween... Why I Send My Mother My Therapists Bills Every October

looks like her sorority?!

This week, I reminded my mother (as I do every Halloween) how much her Communist style approach to Halloween has scarred me. I will be sending her my therapist’s bill, as I do every October.

Mom I love you.

Laura, mom might have turned you into a commie, but you are not a pansy. I love you too.

Comments

  1. This really explains your political leanings.

  2. This cracked me up!
    Lucy recently posted..Inspirational Sunday Week 1My Profile

  3. I am dying over this! The communist bowl! Ha! This is perfect. A perfect reminder to let my kids keep their candy separate AND actually eat it ;)
    Meredith recently posted..I Feel…My Profile

  4. Too funny! You should have eaten all the good candy while on the prowl!

    Thank you for linking up with Super Sunday Sync this week. Hope to see you next week!
    Dawn recently posted..Yummy Corn ChowderMy Profile

  5. I’m dying laughing. I also think I am that Commie mom, because all the candy is sitting in a big bowl on the counter, out of reach of grubby little hands. And also in true Communist fashion, I take the best candy for myself!
    Rachel @ The House of Bukrs recently posted..30 Days of Thanks! Day 5.My Profile

  6. Don’t get swayed by emotion now!! Demand that your therapist’s fees be paid in candy!!
    Mom of A and a recently posted..It’s drizzling goodness here (and I’m being sarcastic, of course!)My Profile

  7. See, now I did this with the boys candy, but with a three year old and nine year old the dealings would have been a bit one sided. It’s all sorted by chocolate things and fruity things. The boys have to ask for candy, but I’m not totally stingy with it. One year Turbo gave all his candy up for a video game. There’s just so much candy with two little beggars out there.

  8. Haha, my parents did that to us too, but they would sneak pieces for themselves. I think we will probably do the same thing too. :-)
    Mrs. Match recently posted..TTUT-How to Not Clean for CompanyMy Profile

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  1. Old Faithful says:

    [...] and she has made some questionable calls over the years. Some notable failures include her Stalin-esque take on Halloween, her Inability to Make a Decision, and Perms. But possibly the most remarkable, was when she threw [...]

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