Julia’s Math is brilliant. It is a complex system of checks and balances, designed to keep the balance of power intact. Oh wait. That’s the government. Julia Math is how I justify, well, almost everything. A common example in our house is the time it takes to get somewhere. Using the brilliance that is Julia’s Math, I can tell my husband that we can leave our house at 5 and we will make it across town by 5:30. Then, when the trip inevitably takes longer than the alloted thirty minutes, Julia’s Math gives me license to use my well practiced myriad of sighs in the car.
Julia’s Math is why paying with cash doesn’t count, especially if one is buying something in a wonderful sale. Unless my husband wants to use cash. And then IT TOTALLY COUNTS. In short, it is genius. And it is all mine! I would share, however, according to a scientific study, it is totally false and misleading unexplainable to anyone but me. I am hoping my daughter will inherent the gift; this is my husband’s worst nightmare. I maintain he is just jealous.
I met my husband, Thomas, on a cruise… at the bar…However, we are planning to tell our daughter we met on a Church mission trip serving under privileged orphans (I make a nice donation every year, so don’t think I am totally heartless). I think he might have possibly underestimated what he was getting into, but it’s too late now!
I am a terrible speller. In fact, I often have to call my husband to spell words for me because I butcher them so badly spell-check has no clue what I was attempting to say. While Thomas is a very patient man, he soon tires of this game. Unfortunately for him, my only other option is to keep adding letters until the word looks long enough. As this method is not very successful, he is forced to continue playing. Also, I use letters that I felt are underutilized: like X for example…
I cannot stand to wait for anything, especially food, water, or Chardonnay, longer than three seconds. Three seconds is not an exaggeration, it is a conservative estimate. Lord have mercy on your soul if those seconds add up to multiple minutes.
On paper, my husband and I are exact opposites. This translates into job security for our therapist! We are working very hard to meet in the middle although his process would be sped up considerably if he just did it my way. Thomas and I have the smartest, cutest, and most wonderful daughter one could ever wish for. Emma is a very happy child; she is also one of the most stubborn people this world has ever seen. This is not really a surprise.
I am lucky enough to be a Lady Who Lunches, although sadly only on the weekends. My girlfriends and I have accepted the fact that we are no longer: Bar People, Club People, or even People Who Go Out After 8PM. We meet for drinks (who cares if it’s technically lunch time) at least once a month (during nap time) and remember what fun, interesting gals we still are.
I sincerely hope you enjoy my take on life. Please pass it along, as I would love to see “Julia’s Math” as a college course one day! (Ponder that idea for just a second: a graduate degree that outlines life inside my head…)