So, I married my third boyfriend. In real life, he is perfect. However, on paper, Thomas was THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WANTED. This makes life difficult interesting at times. (Young couples: find a good therapist. Trust me when I say that you will need one at some point. We LOVE ours.) At times, I wish our thought processes were more in line, but I when I stop to think about “Julia, Unchallenged” I sort of cringe. I can be ruthlessly competitive (again, things to an extreme are NOT GOOD), and if I was in a marriage with someone as competitive as I am, we would have blood lust over simple things such as who did more chores (I cannot imagine the potential outcome of a Monopoly game). So, balance is good. I feel balance in most marriages is not about two extremes, but the heart wants what the heart wants, right?
Thomas is twelve and a half years older than I am. This is surprisingly less of a big deal than you would think. As we both get older, the age difference becomes even less noticeable…
The only time my husband even remotely sounds like a “Chester” is when we discuss the events of 1985. In May of 1985, Thomas graduated from high school… and in September, I started kindergarten.
AGH! I know! We can have entire conversations with cultural references that make no sense to the other one- for example; he will discover some terrible late 90’s show on cable and ask me if I remember it- um, no. I was at the bars from the late 90’s to early 2000’s, not watching TV because I WAS IN COLLEGE! Thank God for VH1’ s “I Love the 70’s and 80’s” because it provided context for many questionable references. (For both of us. Thomas didn’t know much about He-Man, She-ra, or My Little Ponies.)
Lastly, Life Advice: In the end, marry someone who can make you laugh; marry someone that you want to make laugh, because nothing can stop a fight in its tracks faster than a silly, shared joke. And, finally, marry someone that you would pick for the volleyball team, even if you wouldn’t pick them first.