Six On Sunday, Version 5

1. Father’s Day.  Thanks to all the Dads out there… especially mine as he is the bestest.

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I love you Daddy!

2. Tuesday Morning (the discount store).  Anyplace I can go and get designer stuff at more than 50% off is amazing. It is also dangerous, as the amount of justification I use when making purchases is directly proportional to the percentage off of the regular price.

3. Liquid Lunches.  I have long aspired to be a ‘Lady Who Lunches’. Once a month or so, my dream is realized  when my girlfriends and I go to lunch.  This weekend, I lunched (and by lunched I mean drank Chardonnay) at new Mexican

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Liquid Lunch

restaurant called Cheeky’s.  The drinks were great, the patio was perfect, and there was not a child in sight! In fact,  we all took great delight in answering NO when asked if we needed any high chairs or kids menus.  However, I don’t know when margaritas became so complicated.  This joint had no less than twelve different  flavors, including ‘dragon fruit’ (which we were told was the same thing as strawberry).  

4. Potty Training. I swore I would never be one of those parents who discussed their kid’s potty training in graphic detail.  This post does not contain any graphic details, so read on. We started potty training in January, and Emma was totally trained in three days (she is the smartest child EVER)… less than a week later, she announced that she wasn’t going to pee in the potty again. No more, Mommy. No.  Which brings us to the present day (six long months later), and we might maybe be making progress! (Progress will be loosely defined as I swore no details.) Woop woop!

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Princess Mommy

5. Princess Mommy.  Emma calls me ‘Princess Mommy’, and I call her ‘Princess Emma’. The only thing nicer would be Queen Mother… I will have to teach her that tomorrow!

6. Fresh fruit.  I love the  local farmer’s market. Everything is so much better- sweeter, firmer, and riper. And, I get the added bonus of supporting the local community (which makes me feel a little superior to everyone else when checking out at the grocery store. I totally judge those with carts full of produce. They really should use the farmer’s market.)

Excuses, Excuses

Everyone who knows me knows that I enjoy working out. I enjoy the results far more than the actual sweating it out, but I figure that’s pretty standard.  Some of the most creative excuses I have ever heard are said to personal trainers at the gym.  (My friend Crystal said that she had never heard so many excuses for stupid things until she became a manager. She had an employee who called in sick because she needed to fix her weave. Crystal works for a Fortune Ten Company, not at the local McDonald’s. I cannot imagine what those managers hear! However,  I am not a manager- nor could I think of anything worse than trying to corral ten people just like me to do something- my experience is limited to the gym.)

I give you.. Shit Girls Say To Their Personal Trainer

Enjoy. And, you’re welcome to use any and all of the excuses used here.

Summer Camp, Or Why Swim Lessons Are To Blame For My Smugness

Summer Vacation. I wish I still got one! I remember the first days of vacation. In those days, we didn’t get out of school until the first week of June. (In related topics, we also didn’t have air conditioning. In third grade, we got ceiling fans! And, in sixth, screens on our windows! Until the screens were installed, windows were not allowed to be opened more than three inches, lest we fall out and kill ourselves.)  Those first few school-free days went by so quickly, as I rushed to get everything in- swimming at the pool, riding bikes, going to the library, and just playing outside.  As much as I thought it would never get old, and that summer vacation should last forever, those long, hot days did have an expiration date.  And, after a couple of weeks, I. Was. Bored.  So, to save her sanity, my mom sent me to summer camp Summer Camp, Or Why Swim Lessons Are To Blame For My SmugnessSummer Camp.

Summer Camp means different things to different people. For some, it means the outdoors, tents, camping, bugs and swimming in a lake… but, not for this girl.  For others, it means arts and crafts- God’s eyes and Macramé bracelets, and sit-upons- I didn’t discover my Martha calling until later in life.  Regardless of the camp- Girl or Boy Scouts, church or school sponsored, or sleep-away camp, ALL camps had swim lessons.

I wasn’t a huge fan of most camps- until my mom found a camp that was for ‘gifted’ (nerdy) kids, and then I loved it! Even though it was Nerd Camp, we still had some of the traditional camp activities- God’s eyes, NO, swim lessons, YES.

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Big Time Swimming

Swim lessons were easily one of my most favorite parts of camp because I was the best (of course), and any time I can use my smug sense of superiority- and be right about it- is a great time in my book.  I joined a swim team in second grade- I was eight or so- and swam year round competitively until I graduated from high school.  To be fair, as I discovered what other activities one could do while in high school (as my daughter will one day read this blog I am censoring this part, but use your imagination and remember I went to a Catholic All Girls school) my swimming career suffered. Back in the day, I was good. Swim lessons always went the same way- all of the kids would be categorized by age, and then asked to do certain things like tread water, and swim ‘crawl stroke’ (I knew it as freestyle because I was Big Time).  I loved this day because I got to show everyone up, and be a smart ass about it. When asked to tread water, I would ask “With my hands in the water or out of the water? How many minutes?” When asked to do ‘crawl stroke’, I would first correct the clearly stupid counselor and then ask if they wanted a racing start or a start in the water.  Clearly, they all loved me and my quick wit, as was evidenced by the other kids’ blank stares and the counselors’ not so discreet eye rolls, which I took as a victory.

After I wowed everyone with my superstar swimming performances, the question became “What do we do with her?” I didn’t need the lessons as I had proved my superiority, and I was going to take every opportunity to show off in front of my peers instead of try to help them or the instructor. I usually got more free swim away from everyone else.  This further cemented my awesomeness in my mind.

smug Summer Camp, Or Why Swim Lessons Are To Blame For My SmugnessI wish I could wrap this post up with something inspirational, like realizing the value of helping others instead of showing them up. Not so much… I blame my smugness in totally inappropriate situations on swim lessons.  As I mature- hopefully gracefully- I am learning to keep my inner belief in my superiority more inner and less outer… most of the time anyway.