Cold Cold Cold HOT

All day long, I am cold. The kind of cold that settles into your bones and requires a hot shower to warm up.  However, with that said, when I climb into bed at night, I am cold. My icy feet have caused my husband to yelp as I plant them on his leg. My husband is a literal HEATER, and he normally gets into bed first and warms it up. I fall asleep, curled into a ball to conserve body heat.

And then, some sort of weird chemical reaction occurs and I become the hottest person alive. I am no longer appreciative of his heater-like qualities. Our bed now feels like a sauna, and there is no way out! Every single part of me is hot and sweaty, even my eyelids.

6458 PinkJeweledEyelids 01 Cold Cold Cold HOT

Granted, these eyelids are not sweaty but I am fascinated by the bling.
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If I had my way, all of the windows in our room would be wide open and the ceiling fan would be on supersonic speed. I would turn the heat off and turn the air conditioning on. I would position a fan directly at the foot of our bed.

Curiously, I did not have this problem until I had my daughter- pregnancy: the gift that keeps on giving.

j t preemma Cold Cold Cold HOT

The Eternal Gift- Pregnancy.

It is very O.Henry: Before Emma, I was able to keep my body temperature normal. After Emma I cannot. The one thing that would alleviate my misery is the one thing I cannot do- because of Emma.

That one thing is to turn the heat off completely.

My husband laid down the law after we brought Emma home and said the house cannot get below 65 degrees. As I do like to think of myself as a compassionate mother, I did agree. However, I have resorted to drastic measures. In an effort to maintain my compassionate status while not expiring from heat stroke, I have closed AND blocked all of the heating vents in our room.

Most mornings, Thomas and I talked about our upcoming days over life changing coffee. As with many other couples, we tend to have the same conversation over and over…

The first topic we routinely discuss is Why Do We Have The Window Open When It Is Winter And The Heat Is On? As for the heat, I helpfully remind him that having the heat on is his bidding; I would be more than happy to turn it off completely. As for the window, I need fresh air. After six and a half years of marriage, I would have thought he knew the answer by now. Without the window at least cracked, I feel claustrophobic. (I realize that this borders on Slightly Crazy; I thank my mother. I am sure she is nodding in agreement when I say this, like it is the most normal thing in the world.)

fresh air

After that discussion, we move on to Why Is The Fan Turned Up To The Supersonic level? It is well documented that I get hot when I sleep. So hot in fact, that I routinely change my clothes as they are soaking wet. (The Night Sweats are not reserved for those magical first two weeks home from the hospital with a newborn at my house.) A fan can lower the temperature in the room by at least five degrees, and since The Heat Is On, I have to utilize all resources at my disposal so as to not spontaneously combust.

Cold All Day, But Not All Night

How hot do YOU like it?

I’m talking about the bedroom, of course.

I’M TALKING ABOUT THE TEMPERATURE OF THE ROOM, YOU SICKO!

I cannot get it cold enough and I have resorted to desperate tactics.

Fans (yes, multiple)? Check.

 

SuperStock 1672R 14748 Cold All Day, But Not All Night

Nice and Cool
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Window? Wide Open.

Blanket? Flung to the end of the bed, in a crumpled heap. (We have one cotton blanket. The 100% wool ones of my youth would cause me to die an early death. Electric blankets are things of my nightmares.)

blankets Cold All Day, But Not All Night

Too hot!
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This “hotness” is a new thing for me as I have spent my life perpetually freezing. During my days in an office, I had to learn to type with gloves on because I would lose feeling in my fingers. I also melted several pairs of shoes by placing my feet directly on a space heater. My present job is not one that keeps me bound to a desk, but it does require me to attend meetings. These meetings are held in large hotel ballrooms which, in my experience, are arctic caves- no windows to let sunlight in and air conditioning cranked up to HIGH. I am famous for layering my clothing and I make sure to always pack my black belted sweater.

This sweater is great- it can be dressed up and dressed down, depending on what I pair with it. It has been to Asia, Europe and even the Caribbean (it gets cold on airplanes!) multiple times. (I bought the sweater in college, at a time when I was measuring everything in ‘POB’- pitchers of beer- and that sweater was A LOT of pitchers, and so, I almost didn’t buy it. I thank god fashion trumped that day as well as for college boys who could be depended on to buy beer!)

 

Sometimes, my trusty sweater isn’t enough, and I have to brave the airline owned fleece blankets, just for some relief from the cold. Dual climate control in my car has saved my marriage on more than one occasion, and I believe heated seats are one of the greatest gifts mankind has ever received.

To sum it up: Daytime= freezing cold. Nighttime= unbelievably hot.

And, therein lies the problem…

Six On Sunday, Version 12

Big Girl Bed. Emma spent her first night in her Big Girl Bed on Saturday. I was a nervous wreck. I was convinced it was going to be as difficult as when we stopped swaddling her. My husband informed me I was Insane and that he wasn’t going to listen to it, and that I should get over myself. Emma of course was a champ and my husband was right…

emma big girl Six On Sunday, Version 12

NIght Night

 

Volleyball. I am watching the indoor volleyball games at the Olympics right now, and I am reminded of my volleyball career. My entire career was spent avoiding the game at all costs. In high school gym class, kicking the volleyballs earned you laps to run. I would kick the volleyballs in front of the teacher as many times as I could because running laps around the gym was more fun. Every time I try to play, it hurts my wrists. A lot. I remember playing on a beach once. There were several families present, and the age range of players was five years old to over sixty. I was picked last. And, I was only picked because we were playing with the rule that Everyone Got A Chance To Play. I lasted one volley (and I didn’t touch the ball once).

volleyball Six On Sunday, Version 12
Belly Button Rings. I had one. My sister had one. For a time in my life, it seemed like everyone had one. I even knew some boys who had them (granted, they were gay. But still.) Now, it seems like almost no one has one… I guess that’s what happens after one turns thirty and has babies… That or I am hanging out with the wrong crowd! (I just found a picture of me and some random gay guys on a booze cruise in Mexico from college. I showed my husband, and he vetoed the picture on the grounds that I Was Not Cute!)
Baby sitters. We couldn’t get one this weekend. It is very VERY rare that we have a sitter. Thomas’s schedule is crazy and to be honest, sometimes I feel like a Terrible Mother when we do get one because my time with Emma is limited… Also, do you KNOW what baby sitters cost?
Keratin treatments. Have changed my life. Forever. For those who don’t know, Keratin treatments smooth frizzy hair, and make hair softer, silkier, and easier to style. I have a slight wave in my hair. The kind of wave that looks cute when I get out of the shower. It is not the kind of cute that looks good dry. It looks like I stuck my finger in a light socket. I used to have to flat iron it every time I wanted it to look passable. As everyone knows, the flat iron is a vicious mistress. You have to use her to make your hair look good, but the more you use her the more you damage your hair, necessitating more styling… Keratin neatly side steps all of that.
Eyebrows. If it is possible for an eyebrow to be raped, then that’s what happened to me on Tuesday. I went to my usual place. I normally see the same girl, but have had the same results with other girls who work there. My usual girl was there, but another lady jumped up. I wasn’t very happy, but this lady was a bully and she made it clear that she was going to be the one to do my eyebrows…. She decimated nine months of growth. My eyebrows stop where my pupil is. She also was so rough that I have several scabs where she gouged my skin. My eyebrows look TERRIBLE. I called back to complain, and she told me to come back so she could fix it. What was she going to do? Glue my eyebrows back on?! It was and remains a hopeless situation. Tears were shed, and I made an emergency trip to Sephora. It’s going to be a long road back…

eyebrows Six On Sunday, Version 12

 

 

 

 

Linking today with: Mondays Moms Mingle: www.thenaptimereview.com

If You Can Stand One More

posts about beds…

 (Here are previous posts about why sharing a bed is overrated, and what Thomas really thinks about our so called 50-50 split of our bed.) (Also, he claims this is more true to his experience.)

I was out of town on business this week, and I had the entire bed to myself. The entirely Heavenly Bed with six pillows.

As I shared before, the more pillows the merrier. When the stars all align- sleeping solo with many pillows- this is what I do…

bed If You Can Stand One More

This is what Thomas fights against every night.  He is the luckiest guy EVER.

Night night…

 

 

 

I Heart You Sleep

I am often a stranger to sleep.  Except when I actually want to wake up and stay alert.  Then, I am Captain Sleep. I sleep the kind of sleep that only a sleeping pill and Chardonnay can induce. And sadly, Ambien doesn’t work for me; I have tried to take it twice, and both times I have been in that horribly exhausted, yet still can’t sleep but-eyes-are-closing, restless state.  The first six weeks of my daughter’s life were spent in this state, and I can tell you that it is awful!

sleepy kitten 01 I Heart You Sleep

so so sleepy!

Why is it that the best sleep always starts ten minutes before your alarm goes off? I can toss and turn all night, but about an hour or so before the alarm is scheduled to go off, I am Sleeping Beauty. I am the “after” in a sleeping pill commercial. If I could figure out how to bottle that sleep, I would sell it.

pills I Heart You Sleep

Sadly, Thomas does not experience this kind of sleep. Thomas is the guy who lives in fear of his alarm NOT going off. My husband has an erratic (I am being very generous here) work schedule, so he is not a slave to the alarm clock the way most of us are.  Half of the time, the man doesn’t even know what day it is and on the occasion that he does have to wake up early, he sort of panics about it.  His panic is displayed by waking up every hour, usually on the hour, to check the time. This does not make for a restful night for anyone involved. If he has to get up on consecutive mornings, the sheer exhaustion from the constant time checks allows him to sleep more soundly. The worst thing ever is when his alarm fails him. Any tentative trust he set in his iPhone is totally violated, and we start the process twenty steps behind.

iphone alarm I Heart You Sleep

FAIL

When he oversleeps (which to be fair isn’t very often. It is ONLY on the mornings when I am also in a huge rush.), he is one of those people who leaps out of bed, heart racing, breathing heavily, and in complete hysteria.  He rushes out of the house in record time, cursing under his breath (rather loudly) the entire time.  I am about to make a bold statement: I don’t oversleep. Ever. I am way, way too Type A (read controlling) to let that happen. What I do instead is fall back asleep…. I shut off the alarm, and close my eyes for just one more minute, and suddenly its half an hour later.  This does not create any stress.  The extra sleep relaxes me so much that I am immune to the panic sweats. While this is good for my psyche, it greatly impedes my ability to get somewhere in a timely fashion.

overslept I Heart You Sleep

Luckily (not really), we have gotten into the habit of waking up around seven regardless of the previous evening’s activities. Kids will do that for you. It is just one of the many benefits of having one! And, as everyone knows, nothing civilized starts before 8 AM anyway!

7 am I Heart You Sleep

Very civilized