Late Is An Inherited Gene

May 22, 2013 By 1 Comment

I am almost always late.

I am one of those girls. I should join a 12 Step program. Sadly, my tardiness affects my daughter as she is habitually late to school when I am in charge of drop off.

However, it is not my fault that I drop Emma off late for school, but rather it is my father’s.  I have a history of tardiness: when I was a senior in high school, I was fired from being a carpool driver because I made the freshmen in my car tardy for homeroom, and thus the recipients of detentions.

I would, however, arrive at school with enough time for me to make it to my homeroom. Sadly, the freshmen weren’t so lucky.  At Nerinx (my high school), the upperclassmen had lockers and homerooms close to the entrances. The freshman lockers and homerooms were far, far away in the basement; which was nicknamed The Dungeon.

My father routinely made me late for school when I was younger. I would be ready and waiting by the door- literally standing there, with my back pack on, ready to go. The wait would vary by the day- sometimes it was only two or three minutes, but others it may be twenty. My teachers gave everyone a five minute grace period (I went to Catholic school and everyone either walked or was dropped off by parents; we didn’t have buses) to account for traffic (or late parents). If a student arrived past the grace period, a warning was given. After the warning, detentions were handed out.

I got more than my fair share of detentions. At first, I grumbled about the unfairness of it all. Grumbling did no good; we were still late to school. My grumbles turned to shouts, but still we were late.

And I was still accruing detentions faster than I could say ‘Hail Marys’ at confession…

Filed Under: Family, Julia Math Tagged With: , ,

I Always Run Late

May 20, 2013 By 7 Comments

Don’t you just hate that one friend of yours who is always late? I do too.

Except when it’s me.

My daughter is supposed to be at school every day by 8:30 for Circle Time. When her father takes her to school, she is there by 8:15- 8:20 if he’s running late.

When I take her, I count anytime before 8:35 a win.

always late funny quotes I Always Run Late

I am not sure what happens to those magical fifteen minutes every morning. You know, those fifteen minutes that seem to stretch in front of you and almost any chore seems possible. It’s the fifteen minutes that makes you think “We don’t have to leave for at least fifteen minutes. I will just throw a load of laundry in/empty the dishwasher/tidy up the family room/take the trash out.” Those fifteen minutes beckon me, practically screaming ‘Do something! Don’t waste time! Do something!’ As you are patting yourself on the back congratulating yourself on your efficiency and mentally checking something off the To Do List, you notice the clock on the wall behind you…. And panic because there is no way on God’s Green Earth you are going to make it to school on time. Again.

kids chore list template1 I Always Run Late

This happens to me every single time. And every single time I am surprised that I have run out of “fifteen minutes”. My girlfriends totally get it- I think it’s the women/multitasking thing.  My husband, on the other hand, shakes his head in incredulity. I can practically hear him saying, “I mean, COME ON, Julia. You knew you didn’t have enough time and that you would be late for school.” He says he cannot fathom why I make the same mistake again and again (God forbid I am actually early!). He does not bring it up anymore because in doing so, he would be welcoming a discussion of that “one time” he Didn’t Ask For Directions and we got so damn lost…

Filed Under: Family, Julia Math, Things That Drive my Husband Crazy Tagged With: ,

A Few Thoughts On Motherhood

May 12, 2013 By 10 Comments

Sometimes, others say things more eloquently than I could ever hope to. Here are some of my favorites on motherhood…

Happy Mothers Day to all Moms and all Hopeful Moms. Most especially to MY Mom…

julia mom savannah 20131 A Few Thoughts On Motherhood

 

Irish Baby Blessing

May all the blessing of our Lord touch your life today.
May He send His little angels to protect you on your way.
Such a wee little fit, sent from above.
Someone so precious to cherish and love.
May sunshine and moonbeams dance over your head.
As you quietly slumber in your bed.
May good luck be with you wherever you go.
And your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow.

“Sometimes when you pick up your child you can feel the map of your own bones beneath your hands, or smell the scent of your skin in the nape of his neck. This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood – finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without.”
― Jodi Picoult, Perfect Match

Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of life.
~Maureen Hawkins

 “The decision to become a mother is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

“For the mother is and must be, whether she knows it or not, the greatest, strongest, and most lasting teacher her children have.”

 When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.  ~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.”

 

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.” ~ Jill Churchill

julia emma mothers day 20131 A Few Thoughts On Motherhood

Filed Under: Family, Holidays Tagged With:

The Crutches Fairy & Other Unanswered Questions

May 9, 2013 By 2 Comments

Unless you believe in things like the Crutches Fairy, you probably had a few questions about my last post- the one where I talked about cheering Indiana on to victory lose during the Final Four in 2002. I got an email from my best friend asking me some rather pointed questions- Where did you get crutches? (She clearly does not believe in the Crutches Fairy. Hater.) Did you get another interview after you blew off the first one?

My search for crutches was exhausting.  Thank God it was short (remember, I found a Real World marathon on TV and decided to watch that instead.)

I first tried pharmacies- Rite Aid, CVS, and Walgreens. Oddly, none of these stores had crutches for sale. Next stop was stores-that-sell-everything, like Target. Sadly, I again had no luck. This was one of the few times in my life that Target has let me down. It was a sad day!

After the Target disappointment, I went home and searched the internet (on my dial up AOL account) for ‘places to get crutches’.  Success! A few places even had crutches available for rent! My spirits soared as I called the number listed… and quickly deflated when I heard that I would need a written prescription before they could help me.

As everyone knows, a good Rule Of Life is to call your mother when the going gets tough- when you want to hide in the corner and sob. I took my own advice and called my mom because I was out of ideas and out of options and in a huge rush (remember my job interview?). She suggested I contact the Student Health Center (SHC) and make an appointment to see a healthcare provider who could look at my ankle, determine if I needed crutches, and write the script for me if I did. In true motherly fashion, she was concerned with my health and reminded me that I would not want to work for any employer who was not understanding with regard to a medical issue. What can I say- the woman is brilliant (also, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree)!

I called the SHC and made an appointment for later that day- too late for me to make my interview.  (Thankfully the Real World Marathon on MTV allowed me to move past my sorrows.)

The doctor at the SHC took one look at my ankle and promptly wrote a script for crutches… and then directed me to a different part of the clinic so I could pick them up. Genius!

I never rescheduled my interview. It was for an insurance company, and upon further reflection, it was not a direction I was willing to subject myself to wanted to go with my career.

I ended up working at Nordstrom after graduation.

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Front Row Seats Made It Worth It

May 6, 2013 By 6 Comments

While  cheering my Indiana Hoosiers on to sweet, sweet victory (suck it DUKE!), I took one for the team.

I went down, and I went down hard. I landed directly on my ankle, which made an odd noise- much like a POP- when I landed on it.

The next morning, I woke up to dark purple (Indiana University crimson?) ankle that was at least twice the size of my other ankle. This was problematic because I had a job interview in Indianapolis (an hour away) that day. This was March 2002, a mere seven months after 9/11. The economy was turning down, and fast. I had to go on the interview. But first, I had to get some crutches!

I could not find anyone anywhere that would sell me a set. I tried and tried, and no one would take my hard earned, (OK my parents’ hard earned) good money for a set of crutches. Next, I tried to rent some. That was also unsuccessful as , no one will let you rent any without a prescription for them. When it became clear that I was not going to be able to procure crutches in the very short term (I had about an hour from the time I woke up until the time I had to leave for my interview), I resigned myself to the couch and the Real World marathon that was on.

My pity party lasted only a few short minutes before I realized that life had to go on because we had another basketball to watch the next day. The question wasn’t IF I could find somewhere to watch game comfortably, it is was WHERE would I go?

There have been a few times in my life when I have been able to play the Princess Card (my entire pregnancy comes to mind). This was one of those times.

We rolled up (in my case, gimped up) to the bar about an hour before tip-off. This time, however, we did not have to wait in line for entrance. We were whisked to the front of the line and ushered in the door. It was kind of like being one of the Kardashians. The princess treatment did not stop there! The hostess pressed on, through the throngs of fans clad in cream and crimson. She stopped in front of a table that was DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE TV! Forget Khloe, Kourtney, Kris and all the rest of them, this was the Kim Kardashian treatment!

We assured her that this table would work for us (hell yes it would!) and thanked her for her help. These crutches rocked!

Although the game did not have a fairy tale ending, at least I was able to watch it in style.

My crutches also came in handy during trips through the crowded bar to the bathroom- my boyfriend would stand behind me, yelling “Girl on Crutches! Coming through! Move!” while I would whack those in my way with the rubber end of my crutch…

All in all, crutches suck. However, being the ex-Girl Scout that I am, I was able to make the best of it. Having the best seats in the house (outside of the stadium) did make it all worth it.

Filed Under: Holidays, Julia Math Tagged With: ,

Great Expectations

April 29, 2013 By 3 Comments

I am so proud to direct you all to a piece I wrote over at G Funkified!

G Funkified is a blog written by Greta, a fun, honest mother of four (!) who has her Sassy Pants on!

I am so excited to share my thoughts on ‘expectations’, and I sincerely hope you enjoy it.

wedding sav11 Great Expectations

Cheers!

 

Filed Under: Julia Math Tagged With: ,

Indiana Won- I Cannot Walk, But It Is Worth IT!

April 25, 2013 By 7 Comments

March 2002.  Bloomington, Indiana. The Sweet Sixteen.

My friends and I wanted to cheer our Indiana Hoosiers to victory against Duke in style- we wanted to go the bar. Shockingly, we were not the only people in town who wanted do to the same. Because no one had volunteered to show up at noon to procure a table, we were forced to wait in line like everyone else (I HATE having to do what everyone does. I so believe the rules are not meant for me.)

So, we joined the masses filing in before tipoff. After a lengthy wait outside the bar, we were finally allowed inside. To this day, I’m not sure how we actually gained admittance as no one was leaving and the bar was at capacity (we shall not discuss pesky things like fire safety laws). The bar (Yogi’s for my B-town friends) was six feet deep with crazed fans. The energy was positively electric. It was awesome! It was an act of God to get a beer, but it was awesome! In a surprise upset, Indiana DEFEATED Duke in the Sweet Sixteen! When they won, the bar went NUTS. Every single person in the joint was jumping up and down. Strangers kissing strangers. Free beer for everyone! Everyone was jumping up and down, screaming the IU fight song. We made the building shake on its foundation!

Celebration or not, the laws of Julia’s Math still apply- and OF COURSE something unforeseen happened to me. Those who know me (or who have read even one blog post) are not shocked that somehow bad luck found me. During the celebration, I went down. I went down big time. I followed one of my life’s mantras: “If you are going to do it, do it BIG.” Even with all the cheering and singing, I heard a very distinct POP in my left ankle. Undeterred, I celebrated on. I think I even walked home that night, which turned out to be a very bad decision…

The next morning, I woke up to dark purple (Indiana University crimson?) ankle that was at least twice the size of my other ankle. This was problematic because I had a job interview in Indianapolis (an hour away) that day…

 

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Crutches At March Madness

April 24, 2013 By 3 Comments

Being on crutches sucks. After five minutes of hobbling around, you feel like your armpits have lost every layer of skin.

Except when being on crutches is your Golden Ticket.

My senior year in college was the last time the Hoosiers made it to the final game.  (As I write this, I cannot BELIEVE it was eleven years ago.)

Truly, those few weeks were a magical time. Sports can unify people like very few other things can, and it is an intensely emotional bond. As cheesy as it sounds, I really felt like I was part of something quite special. During those games it felt as if time stood still. Every bar was packed to the gills with fans wearing their Indiana Basketball Tshirts, chanting the fight song:

Indiana, Our Indiana,

Indiana, we’re all for you!

We will fight for the cream and crimson,

For the glory of old IU

Never daunted, we cannot falter

In the battle, we’re tried and true

Indiana, Our Indiana,

Indiana, we’re all for you!

 

Because everyone wanted to watch the game at a bar, advance planning was required. All of the bars opened at noon, and to get a table (and faster bar service), someone had to show up at noon to claim a table.

While in theory it sounds like a good idea to spend seven hours in a shitty college bar drinking shitty college beer, the reality is that A) I suck at waiting for things, which makes everyone around me homicidal, B) it gets expensive to drink for twelve hours (even cheap college pitchers), and C) I suck at waiting for things (did I already mention this point?), thus rendering getting myself to the bar at noon impossible. Sadly, my powers of persuasion did not work on my boyfriend or on my best friend as neither of them volunteered (or caved to my repeated requests) to give up their afternoon to go sit at the bar.

I was about to find another way to secure a table during March Madness. Before you congratulate me on my powers of persuasion  you should know that crutches open many doors (and secure sitting in crowded bars)…

Filed Under: Dating stories, Holidays Tagged With: , ,

Six On Monday (Again)

April 15, 2013 By 6 Comments

1. Sage Magazine. If you missed it (shame on you!), I was once again honored to be a part of this fabulous publication! My favorite pages are 18 & 19 and 72 & 73… but I might be biased. Hope you love it!

sage april Six On Monday (Again)

 

2.  Baby Showers. I attended two this weekend! Just to be safe, I made sure to avoid the water. I made the safer choice of chardonnay! I know, I am a modern hero. In all seriousness, congrats to the new moms; the parties were lovely. And, I could drink all the water in the big blue sea and nothing would happen- I made sure of that!

3. Menchie’s. As you all, I am obsessed with Menchie’s, specifically the Red Velvet flavor. Every month, they feature a new Flavor Of The Month- and the last two months they have really dropped the ball. The Salted Caramel of March tasted like flavored ocean water, and the Pink Lemonade Sorbet of April tastes like very intense, very cold Crystal Lite… I am remain a devoted Red Velvet fan.

4. Tip Well. I was a repeat customer at Cheeky’s, a local Mexican place this weekend. I had the same waiter as last week, and he remembered me (me and my checkbook). When I ordered “as much wine as you can give me and still charge me for one drink”, he totally delivered. I again tipped him generously, and hope to have the same arrangement when we visit again.

5. The Americans. This show is amazing! Incredible! If you are not watching, get on board. Immediately.(Also, who knew Felicity could kick so much ass?!)

6. Apple ID. Perhaps someone can riddle me this- why does my apple ID work when I install apps on my phone but will not work when I try to log into my account on my laptop? Driving me CRAZY. Please help!

apple id Six On Monday (Again)

I WOULD LOVE TO!!
source

 

Filed Under: Food, Julia Math Tagged With: , , ,

SAGE Magazine

April 12, 2013 By 10 Comments

Guess what!!

The April edition of Sage Magazine is out!

sage april SAGE Magazine

SAGE MAGAZINE IS AN ONLINE LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE SHOWCASING
FABULOUS PRODUCTS, GORGEOUS PHOTOGRAPHY, AND BRILLIANT HOW-TOS.
WE BELIEVE EVERY WOMAN CAN LIVE AN INSPIRED AND BEAUTIFUL LIFE

And, in even better news, guess who again contributed… that’s right, your favorite author and blogger… ME!

julia emma 1 SAGE Magazine

Me and my shadow

While all of the pages are good, some of my favorites are pages 18 & 19.  Also, please be sure to check out pages 72 & 73.

Thank you !!

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