Sharing A Bed Is Over Rated

June 29, 2012 By 3 Comments

To all the single girls (and guys who read my blog), I have some advice for you: sleep in the middle of the bed! Use every square inch.  Use every pillow.  Don’t be afraid to sleep diagonally.  One of the great myths about being married is that is soooo wonderful to fall asleep in each other’s arms every night.  When Thomas and I were first together, we did sleep like that. And then I wound up at the chiropractor three times a week because I couldn’t move my neck. Well, fast forward to today; we have been married almost six years (Tuesday), together almost nine, and this novelty has worn off. Also, I have discovered how much I love pillows! In fact, I love them so much that I use four of them when I am sleeping. Thomas LOVES this. 

snuggling Sharing A Bed Is Over Rated

I Love You SOOOO Much

My husband travels a lot (he is a pilot, so this is not really a shocker).  There are times when I am begging him to get a trip because I am dying for a good night’s sleep. Before you judge me, you should know that he is (not so) secretly wishing for the same thing.

tom cruise Sharing A Bed Is Over Rated

I don’t know what my parents did to my sisters and me that make us the Worst Bed Hogs In The World.  We could be considered ‘Combative Sleepers’, and our respective husbands and boyfriend deserve combat pay. Collectively, we believe that the middle of the bed is the best place to sleep (because it is the best place), and that it is fair for us to do so, even with our husbands/boyfriends in the bed as well.   We feel that we have the right to use  as many pillows as we want to, and to cover and uncover- tossing blankets- as many times as we want to during the night. My sister Jen is the worst as she actually bit her boyfriend one night.  Yes, you did read that correctly and every time Thomas starts to complain, I remind him that he does not have teeth marks in his arm.

the pawlik girls Sharing A Bed Is Over Rated

My Righteous Place

Once Thomas got used to his ‘side’ of the bed, we had to address the noise issue. I cannot sleep in total silence. It scares me to death.  I just know there is a one armed ax man hiding outside the house waiting to kill me. Also, I cannot tolerate any sounds from anyone else (this is the main reason I never went to sleep away camp).  Any sound, even gentle breathing drives me crazy.  Luckily for me, Thomas snores.  The invention of the Breathe Right Strip has saved our marriage on more than one occasion.

snoring Sharing A Bed Is Over Rated

THOMAS!

If you are lucky enough to go sleep alone tonight, do me a favor and sleep in the middle of the bed. With all the pillows.  If you are going to be sharing a bed tonight, get there first and claim your rightful 75%! Sweet Dreams!

Filed Under: Family, Julia Math, Me, Things That Drive my Husband Crazy Tagged With: , ,

This is SO True at Our House

June 28, 2012 By Leave a Comment

If you believe the hype (THOMAS), this accurately depicts our sleeping situation…

bed This is SO True at Our House

More on this tomorrow. For now, I am going to claim my 90% side of my our bed.

 

Filed Under: Julia Math, Things That Drive my Husband Crazy Tagged With: ,

Children Are The Best Alarm Clocks, Hands Down

June 26, 2012 By 5 Comments

As I mentioned, we (I) am very superstitious, and once we had a system that worked we didn’t deviate.  As all parents will testify, once you find something that works, nothing, including natural disasters, will alter the course. We did not leave our house after 6PM for at least eight months out of respect for the system.  Today, we have gotten braver and we do venture out past bedtime. 

baby sitter cartoon Children Are The Best Alarm Clocks, Hands Down

Sometimes, when we are too cheap to get a babysitter (I pay an average of $10 an hour in CASH. I should totally do this on the side.) Emma comes with us. I am proud to report that she is a champ about going to sleep at someone else’s house. We do keep the routine the same, and she rolls with it.  However, she will not sleep unless she is in her bed (or pack n play). Even in the middle of the night, when she has been fast asleep, she will sit quietly in her carseat, awake, until we get home and she in her bed. I don’t blame her, sleeping in the carseat seems like it would be super uncomfortable. 

emma and oscar Children Are The Best Alarm Clocks, Hands Down

As I bragged, Emma does a great job sleeping at least ten hours in a row. However, those ten hours start around eight thirty at night… so she is awake  by seven.  Most of the time, she is content to lie in her crib and amuse herself for awhile.  And, most of the time, it is sweet to hear her talking to herself, making up stories and talking to all her stuffed animal friends.  There are times when it is… less than sweet.  Kids have some sort of internal alarm clock that goes off extra early when moms and dads need extra sleep. 

alarm clock Children Are The Best Alarm Clocks, Hands Down

7AM. Right On Time.

Things that seem like a good time at the time (there is totally another blog post on that topic), like that one extra drink, or staying for just one more song, are a terrible idea when you have a young child. The combination of needing more sleep because we are no longer the party warriors we once were and the sixth sense that kids have to wake up early when you desperately don’t want them to is deadly. It has taken me DAYS to get over a rough night since I had Emma. (It is really, really terrible.)  Your body will also sell you out.  After many months of waking up early, you lose the ability to sleep in. Even when your kids are at Grandma’s! The worst hangover is the one that could have been prevented had you been able to sleep!  The phrase ‘drink responsibly’ takes on a whole new meaning….

hangover coffe Children Are The Best Alarm Clocks, Hands Down

I would prefer an IV…

Karen Lawson (www.karenlawsonphotography.com) took the awesome picture of Emma & Oscar.

Filed Under: Clothes

The Happiest Mommy On The Block, or How I Came To Truly Appreciate Sleep

June 25, 2012 By 6 Comments

I have never taken sleep for granted.  I have never been a good sleeper. Some of my earliest memories are of waking my father up to tell him I couldn’t sleep (I never woke up my mom because she was totally mean about it!)  Sleep has never come easily; I have had elaborate night time rituals for years. They are sort of effective, but as I am also ridiculously superstitious, I don’t dare not do them.

sleep cartoon The Happiest Mommy On The Block, or How I Came To Truly Appreciate Sleep

As I get older, I am finding myself needing more and more sleep.  At this rate, I fear my schedule will be similar to a newborn’s when I am in my mid-fifties.  (Also, mid-fifties used to seem SUPER old. Now, not so much…) There were times in my life when I needed almost no sleep.  College comes to mind. I can remember coming home at four am from the bars and having no problem making a 9am class.  Now even the thought makes me slightly nauseous and sweaty.   After Emma was born, sleep became a precious commodity.  If there was a sleep black market, I would have possibly parted with one of my kidneys for a full eight hours.  As everyone knows (and as parents of newborns REALLY know), the first couple of weeks are rough.  They are especially rough if your child decides to never sleep. Ever. Twelve hours of non sleeping in a row. The whole ‘sleep when your child sleeps’ didn’t apply here because Emma Never Napped. It was terrible.  After my friends Liz and Chris had their baby they kept asking me when the Non Sleeping Chaos would begin. I am happy to report that it never did, and that their daughter has remained much calmer and way less of a spaz than my daughter. Just when we were about to lose all hope (and sanity) we discovered the brilliance of a schedule (and formula), Emma slept ten hours straight. She was eight weeks old.  It was sort of like Jesus came into our house and cured the sick. It was one of the miracles, and had the Bible been written during that time this would have made it in there.

emma asleep 2 1 The Happiest Mommy On The Block, or How I Came To Truly Appreciate Sleep

emma asleep 3 1 The Happiest Mommy On The Block, or How I Came To Truly Appreciate Sleep

And, once we got the boat stable, we did everything in our control (and even imposed our control on others IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT ABOUT ME) to keep it from rocking (and swaying and shushing Happiest Baby on the Block style- which was so NOT my style...)

 

emma baby 1 The Happiest Mommy On The Block, or How I Came To Truly Appreciate Sleep

All photographs were taken by Karen Lawson (www.karenlawsonphotography.com). She is AMAZING and I highly HIGHLY recommend her!

 

Filed Under: Family, Julia Math Tagged With: , ,

Six On Sunday, Version 6

June 24, 2012 By Leave a Comment

kesha Six On Sunday, Version 6

1. Ke$ha. Does everyone else’s almost three year old sing along to Ke$ha? Because mine totally knows all the words.

2.Strawberries. I love them. Everything strawberry is better: Strawberry Daquiris come to mind. What is Strawberry Shortcake without the strawberries? Boring, rather dry crumbly bread, that’s what.  Costco (how I love you Costco!) has huge containers of the most perfectly ripe, sweet berries for six dollars.  I might turn into one. 

strawberries Six On Sunday, Version 6

Yummy!

3. The Awkward Twenty Minutes Waiting For Your Friends To Come To Your Party. We had a small party on Saturday, which was supposed to start around five. I LOVE having parties. I would have parties every weekend if I was allowed to (Thomas enjoys parties, but he gets sick of the double cleaning- before and after the party. Also, he is the Family Treasurer, and parties get expensive (who knew?)).  For the first time in the history of Julia Parties, we were ready on time. At five pm, everyone in the house was dressed, the food was out, the drinks were chilling, and all the last minute stuff had been done.  Of course, this was the party where everyone was late.  We spent twenty minutes wandering around the house, not wanting to mess anything up, questioning if we really had friends, or if maybe folks just felt sorry for us. We are extra sensitive to this because of what happened Christmas ’06.  We had an open house, and around sixty people RSVP-ed yes. (We invited everyone we knew. Seriously, if I talked to you in line at the grocery store you were going to get an invitation.) As we didn’t yet have Emma, we had disposable income to spend on chicken wings and egg rolls and cakes and alcohol. We were ready for at least eighty people to come.  Um… eight showed up.  Now, those eight people did have a wonderful time, and they definitely had enough to eat, but the experience has left us scarred.

4, Lamps. Much like the baskets, the Quest For The Perfect Lamp is long, drawn out, and tedious. I have  secured one Perfect Lamp, I have one to go.  My neighbor is AMAZINGLY talented at interior design, and he has graciously fielded four hundred thousand pic messages with potential candidates.  He says “I’m sorry to be so picky, but I don’t want your friends to come over and talk shit about your cheap ass stuff!” He maintains that he doesn’t judge, but that he does talk about you when he goes home.

lamp 161x300 Six On Sunday, Version 6

5. Stupid reality shows. I just saw a preview for “Love in the Wild”. You have got to be freaking kidding me!  Single men and women are on a island and have different romantic adventures. There is some sort of elimantion to determine “The Perfect Couple”. And Jenny McCarthy is hosting. I had no idea she was still around. I thought she was busy telling lies and putting babies at risk for deadly, preventable disease.  Thank goodness her scheduled opened up and allowed her to host this very important, life changing show.

6. Apple TV/ Pandora. I love you both! Won’t you please work together?!

pandora Six On Sunday, Version 6                                     Please be friends!!

        apple Six On Sunday, Version 6

Filed Under: Food, Parties, Summer Tagged With: , , ,

Meet Me at the Pool!

June 22, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Shameless post of how cute my kid is!!

em swimming 224x300 Meet Me at the Pool!

The Water is Perfect!

Filed Under: Family, Smug, Summer Tagged With: ,

Errand Hell

June 20, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Errands are such a bore. And they are never-ending… it seems like the more errands I run, the more errands I need to run. It is a self fulfilling prophecy.  Also, it seems, errands never seem to go smoothly- I leave a receipt in the car, or I cannot find a cart when Emma is with me, or the weather conspires against me, making things a soggy, miserable mess.

As previously mentioned, I spent the last couple of weeks on a Quest for the Perfect Baskets for my beautiful new furniture. Past attempts had resulted in an epic fail, so I was back to square one. As a general rule, when I buy something for the house, I buy two of them.  Things look better in pairs according to Julias Math.  When Emma was itty bitty little, we had toys all over the house (in conjunction with Operation New Furniture, I am executing Operation Take Back Our House From All The Toys Everywhere). A direct result of my OC-Do is that things must be put away, so baskets appeared everywhere. I even used a laundry hamper (that looked like a basket) in our Family Room for toys!) I found the cutest tan crocodile container for our bedroom. I bought one. Only one. At the time, I had a mental disagreement with myself- should I really only buy one?!- and the conservative Only One camp won.  Last winter, these containers went on clearance and I again had the mental argument with myself, and ultimately, I didn’t buy another one…. So you can guess what looked PERFECT in my new shelves- that’s right, the single, lonely container.  I spent one afternoon driving around looking for a forgotten, dusty clearance rack with my red container.  Total failure and waste of time.

I40 1 Errand Hell love saving money even more than I love baskets, so I was forced to wait a week until I could redeem the Michael’s 40% off coupons that I had hoarded from last week’s Serial Return episode.  On Sunday, I loaded Emma and the baskets that almost-worked-but-didn’t-really into the car, and reviewed our objectives: find the perfect baskets (Me) and not touching everything pretty and shiny in the store (Emma) and set off.  Did I mention the monsoon conditions? Once we got to Michael’s, I was faced with a choice: did I leave Emma in the car and get a cart or did I drag her and the baskets in the rain, through the wet40 2 Errand Hell parking lot, into the store? Because I am scared to death of DFCS (the GA Division of Family and Children Services), I opted for the latter and we trudged through the wet into the store.  Thankfully, one of us finds the rain amusing and so was in a great mood (guess which one of us?). We left our return (if you have your receipt you are exempt from the Naughty List restriction) at the front and went searching.

monsoon Errand Hell

Current Weather Conditions

We did it! We found baskets for the cabinet and for the shelves! Yay us! Outside, it was still pouring, and I again chose to rodeo a toddler and four baskets through the parking lot.  At home, we put the baskets in place… and… 50% success rate. Because we are the kind of girls who only settle for 100%, we reloaded the car and went to another Michael’s, hoping they had a better basket selection.  Same drill through the rain into the store. This trip (number two) was a total waste of time! This Michael’s had no selection from which to choose the perfect baskets! We would have been better off going to the original Michael’s.  Unfortunately, we were closing in on nap time. And as any mother knows, you Do Not F with nap time.  I don’t care if we could have gotten the perfect baskets for free- we were going home!

After Emma’s nap (during which I may or may not have turned on the baby monitor every ten minutes to check and see if she was awake), we set off. Thankfully, the rain had stopped, which we took as a good sign.  We were greeted like old friends at the original Michael’s, which, by that point we were.  I had the brilliant idea to cruise the clearance rack… and there they were! The perfect baskets. Well, visually anyway they are perfect.  They are not so great for storage because

happy basket 150x150 Errand Hell

SUCCESS!

they aren’t very big.  However, that does give me the added bonus of being able to throw more stuff away!

I believe Emma learned some important life lessons: to never settle, and to never give up. The ‘perfect’ whatever is out there; you just have to be dedicated (and maybe a tiny bit flexible).  Also, keep all of your receipts!

Filed Under: Home Improvement, Julia Math, Smug Tagged With: , ,

The Baskets Make The Room

June 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Every time I walk into my family room, I sigh with happiness. My new furniture is beautiful! It’s not scuffed and scarred and kicked with divot holes from where the vacuum ran into the legs.  Divine! The only thing standing between me and

mountain of toys The Baskets Make The Room

The Mountain of Toys

complete utopia is the stuff oozing from everywhere.  It is obvious what the solution is: It is time to stream line! It’s time to get rid of the goo, the grime (extra points for P90X reference), and the old worn out stuff that no one uses anymore. (We went to sleep one night and woke up in Toys R Us. Seriously. My daughter has so many toys it is beyond absurd.  Has this happened to anyone else??)

If I have learned anything in my thirty odd years (Yes, I know I look so much younger! Thank you!) it is that nothing goes as planned for me- Julias Math kicks in and even the best intentions can derail in a heartbeat… One lesson learned

(but always forgotten) is that the more things you try to simplify, the more complex things become.  It is so ass

olympic medal The Baskets Make The Room

My Organizational Gold Medal

backwards, it is ridiculous.  I live to organize things.  One of my favorite places on Earth is the Container Store.  I also LOVE to streamline things. As organizing and streamlining are like soup and sandwich, so this shouldn’t be too surprising. If throwing things away was an Olympic sport, I would be a back to back to back Gold Medalist.  I have been known to go on binges, throwing away everything in sight (and even things that are not in sight that my husband has attempted to hide from me).

I shall spare you the details on the purging- just know that it was either long and painful or short and exhilarating; depending on if you are Julia or if you are Thomas.  After everything was organized into piles, including Emma’s mountains of toys, it had to go somewhere. I am a huge fan of baskets. They look great and can hide a mess.  (My penchant for total neatness is really only on the surface, façade one might say- please don’t open drawers or check under sinks.  My house is Really Small and things have to go somewhere!) My love of baskets means I also love Michael’s. 

cart The Baskets Make The Room

Stupid Itty Bitty Cart

As soon as the furniture was set up, Emma and I set off for the first of many Michael’s trips.  I had purchased a few baskets in anticipation, which of course didn’t work, so I was anxious to obtain the perfect baskets.  If anyone at Michael’s is reading this, please take note: Your itty bitty teeny tiny carts SUCK. Once I get my kid and my purse in there, I am out of room.  I would probably buy more of your lovely items if you had carts like Costco.  I managed to make it into the store with four baskets and a toddler in the stupid tiny cart. I don’t think anyone was permanently harmed in the process.  I dropped off the baskets to be returned at the front and proceeded to the basket section.  Success! We found the perfect basket… we found only ONE perfect basket and we needed four.  Not to be deterred, we had an employee search the backroom and found two more. Score! Now we just needed to make an exchange we were on our way to furniture bliss.  Except I lost the receipt. Thankfully, we were able to make the exchange. 

At home, the baskets looked OK. Not as great as I had hoped, but because I was missing one I wasn’t sure if that was throwing off the whole thing.  We headed to another Michael’s, bringing with us two more baskets to exchange (because I forgot them the first time).  No basket love at this Michael’s, but we were able to return the other two baskets… barely. I am now on the Naughty List at Michael’s for having done too many returns without a receipt. I just hope my daughter doesn’t succumb to the terrible influences she is surrounded by and become a Serial Returner like her mother.

Back home again, Thomas and I (really just me. I am being nice here and including him in household decisions, but in reality, he didn’t give a shit as long as I am happy. This mantra has worked well in our marriage, and I suggest it to new husbands frequently.) decided we needed to start all over- the baskets weren’t going to work.  Thus began Errand Hell…

hell 300x204 The Baskets Make The Room

Filed Under: Home Improvement, Julia Math Tagged With: , ,

Six On Sunday, Version 5

June 17, 2012 By 2 Comments

1. Father’s Day.  Thanks to all the Dads out there… especially mine as he is the bestest.

daddy 150x150 Six On Sunday, Version 5

I love you Daddy!

2. Tuesday Morning (the discount store).  Anyplace I can go and get designer stuff at more than 50% off is amazing. It is also dangerous, as the amount of justification I use when making purchases is directly proportional to the percentage off of the regular price.

3. Liquid Lunches.  I have long aspired to be a ‘Lady Who Lunches’. Once a month or so, my dream is realized  when my girlfriends and I go to lunch.  This weekend, I lunched (and by lunched I mean drank Chardonnay) at new Mexican

margarita 150x150 Six On Sunday, Version 5

Liquid Lunch

restaurant called Cheeky’s.  The drinks were great, the patio was perfect, and there was not a child in sight! In fact,  we all took great delight in answering NO when asked if we needed any high chairs or kids menus.  However, I don’t know when margaritas became so complicated.  This joint had no less than twelve different  flavors, including ‘dragon fruit’ (which we were told was the same thing as strawberry).  

4. Potty Training. I swore I would never be one of those parents who discussed their kid’s potty training in graphic detail.  This post does not contain any graphic details, so read on. We started potty training in January, and Emma was totally trained in three days (she is the smartest child EVER)… less than a week later, she announced that she wasn’t going to pee in the potty again. No more, Mommy. No.  Which brings us to the present day (six long months later), and we might maybe be making progress! (Progress will be loosely defined as I swore no details.) Woop woop!

crown Six On Sunday, Version 5

Princess Mommy

5. Princess Mommy.  Emma calls me ‘Princess Mommy’, and I call her ‘Princess Emma’. The only thing nicer would be Queen Mother… I will have to teach her that tomorrow!

6. Fresh fruit.  I love the  local farmer’s market. Everything is so much better- sweeter, firmer, and riper. And, I get the added bonus of supporting the local community (which makes me feel a little superior to everyone else when checking out at the grocery store. I totally judge those with carts full of produce. They really should use the farmer’s market.)

Filed Under: Food, Me, Smug, Summer Tagged With: , , ,

Excuses, Excuses

June 14, 2012 By 2 Comments

Everyone who knows me knows that I enjoy working out. I enjoy the results far more than the actual sweating it out, but I figure that’s pretty standard.  Some of the most creative excuses I have ever heard are said to personal trainers at the gym.  (My friend Crystal said that she had never heard so many excuses for stupid things until she became a manager. She had an employee who called in sick because she needed to fix her weave. Crystal works for a Fortune Ten Company, not at the local McDonald’s. I cannot imagine what those managers hear! However,  I am not a manager- nor could I think of anything worse than trying to corral ten people just like me to do something- my experience is limited to the gym.)

I give you.. Shit Girls Say To Their Personal Trainer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aosMsYWzKzs

Enjoy. And, you’re welcome to use any and all of the excuses used here.

Filed Under: Clothes, Smug
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